RUDE CELL PHONE GUY: at the movies
Script © 2007 by Rachel and Leah Solomon
CAST: (5) Usher, Three movie theater patrons: Lorenna, Annie & Max and Josh (rude cell phone guy)
LIGHTS: up We are in a dark movie theatre, we see several patrons watching a movie.
JOSH: (entering) Man, I am late!! Ah, whatever. (At this time, the Josh scoots to a seat in the middle of the row and sits down on someone’s lap.)
LORENNA: Umm, someone’s already sitting here!
JOSH: I know, some one is sitting in my seat. GET UP YOU BUM! (Lorenna gets up very fast and moves. Josh’s cell phone rings. He answers.) HEY! JOE. NO, IT IS OKAY, I CAN TALK, I GET NIGHT AND WEEKENDS FREE. THIS MOVIE STINKS. WE ALL KNOW SHE DIES IN THE END. (People moan and get irritated around him.)
ANNIE: (whispering to Lorenna & Max) Can you believe this guy? No respect at all!
JOSH: (yelling) EXCUSE ME!? CAN YOU SHUT UP? I AM TRYING TO TALK ON THE PHONE WHILE YOU WATCH YOUR LOUSY MOVIE!
MAX: That’s it! I am going to get the usher (walks out of the theater, comes back with usher)
USHER: Hey! Which one of you is talking during the movie? (Josh points to Lorenna.)
LORENNA: Huh!? What. I didn’t do it. I swear! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Usher drags Lorenna out of the theater)
USHER: (Comes back in, dusts off his hands and tells audience) Took care of that little problem. (leaves)
JOSH: (shrugs and talks on the phone again.) SOOOOOO, JOE … I AM SO BORED. I’M GONNA HAVE TO TALK A LONG TIME UNTIL THIS MOVIE IS OVER. (Everyone groans.)
ANNIE: Why can’t you be quiet?! No cell phones are allowed in this theatre. JOSH: Oh I am soooooo sorry Ms. Talks a lot. Why don’t YOU shut up, you’re the one who’s talking!
USHER: (Coming back into the theater.) I told you people before, you can not talk during the movie! Which one of you trouble makers is doing all the talking?
JOSH: (throws cell phone onto Annie’s lap.) Excuse me. You are not supposed to have cell phones in the theater. It is a rule.
ANNIE: What!? Hey ... this is not my cell phone!
USHER: You! GET UP! (takes Annie by the arm) Come with me!
ANNIE: No fair! (as Usher drags Annie out of the theatre …) It’s not my phone I tell you, not my phoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
USHER: (Comes back in, dusts off his hands and tells the audience) Took care of that little problem (Leaves)
MAX: (to Josh) Excuse me , but that was not very nice.
JOSH: I am so sorry, Mother Teresa, but you know what? I REALLY DO NOT CARE!
MAX: ALL I WANT TO DO IS WATCH THE MOVIE!
JOSH: What ever. HEY JOE. THERE IS THIS IDIOT NEXT TO ME WHO WILL NOT BE QUIET … AND IS LIKE, “YOUR NOT BEING NICE. WAA WAA WA!”
MAX: HELLO!? I AM RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. I AM NOT DEAF, I HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT ME! PLEASE, CAN YOU BE QUIET?
JOSH: No!
MAX: Can you....
JOSH: (interrupting) NO!
MAX: Please ...
JOSH: NO!
MAX: Can you pleas ...
JOSH: (interrupting) NO!
USHER: (Coming in) For the third time, you need to be quiet! Some people are trying to watch the movie!
JOSH: (fake crying) Thank you. I keep trying to tell him to be quiet but then he yelled at me and kept on talking.
MAX: Hey, he is lying! He was talking, not me! JOSH: (fake crying) And now he is lying again!
USHER: That is it ! Come with me! (takes Max out of theatre, then comes back in, dusts off his hands and tells audience …) Took care of that little problem. (leaves)
JOSH: Hey...every one is gone. (Like the Kool-Aid man) O YEA! (into phone) Hey, Joe, I am alone, finally! Yea! (Hangs up the phone.)
USHER: (coming in) Hey...you! You’re talking. I SAID NO TALKING! Get up off your butt and come with me. (drags Josh off.)
SFX: loud crash offstage
JOSH: (coming in. Clapping hands, tells audience) Took care of that little problem. (Sits down to watch the movie.) LIGHTS: blackout MSX: music sting
